My marriage rant.

Growing up I always fantasized about the day I would get married and start a family. Now that I am 24 and looking forward to it, I find myself getting extremely pissed at the way people my age are treating the institution of marriage like a joke. As I watch my peers plan for their wedding only to end up in divorce court I can’t help but to ask why they want to go through with it knowing the outcome. Some are doing it because they think it is the only way to give their children a family life but they’re not thinking about how hard it’s going to be to explain to their children that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. Others are marrying for money or just to throw an extravagant party.

I’m not someone who is against the institution of marriage however I think that love should exist before someone does it. I also think that you must know the individual you’re going to marry and be able to accept who they are because if you’re expecting them to change they are not. The statistics say that the divorce rate amongst young people is extremely high in the 21^st century than the rate of our parents, maybe their parents married for love.

Try the marriage calculator.

PROGRESS....Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repealed

       To some people Barrack Obama’s presidency is a big moment in our nation’s history, however to me September 20, 2011 is an even bigger moment, for it changes the lives of thousands, maybe even millions. This particular day made me extremely proud to say I am an American because I have family members and friends who were directly affected by this policy. The repealing of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy went into affect today, allowing our servicemen and women to serve openly gay in our armed forces. Since World War II (check out the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell timeline here http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/special/politics/dont-ask-dont-tell-timeline/), our nation has been against this sanction resulting in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell bill being signed into law in 1993 by then president Bill Clinton. 

      This policy prohibited people who "demonstrate a tendency or intent to engage in homosexual acts" from serving in the armed forces of the United States, because their presence "would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability. The act prohibited any homosexual or bisexual person from disclosing his or her sexual orientation or from speaking about any homosexual relationships, including marriages or other familial attributes, while serving in the United States armed forces. The act specified that service members who disclose that they are homosexual or engage in homosexual conduct should be separated (discharged) except when a service member's conduct was "for the purpose of avoiding or terminating military service" or when it "would not be in the best interest of the armed forces." This policy led to the harassment of individuals who were perceived by others as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, the discharging of over 14,000 service men and women, and even the death of one soldier, Barry Winchell (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-rowe/taps-for-barry-winchell-r_b_226004.html). 
       This was not an easy task but with the guidance of Congressman and veteran Patrick Murphy and many others this task was completed. The repealing of this policy changes the way we as a society perceive, work with, and react to individuals who are gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual. It also gives them the freedom to marry their partners. This change shows that we as a nation are no longer ignoring the issues homosexuals face and are willing to fight for their first amendment rights. As someone who is an activist for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transvestites this is great progress in a long and hard struggle to provide individuals and couples who are homosexual with the same rights as individuals and couples who are heterosexual.This gives me hope that in the near future we as a nation will be less discriminative towards someone because of his or her sexual orientation. It also instills in me that my children will grow up in a more diverse society where they want be judge for who they are, but instead for the thing they can do.  

If you are interested in more on this topic , please check out the HBO documentary The Strange History of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. 

My experience with having "the talk" with my parent.

         After reading the article "Our Teens Secret Sex Lives" about the things teenagers are doing today in the October 2011 issue of Essence, I began to think about my experience of "the talk" and whether it affected the outcome i had. It also had me questioning if I would be so candid when discussing this topic with my children in the future.

        My experience was awkward and not very informative. I got "the talk" at the start of my freshman year in high school, since I was a late bloomer and did not officially become a woman until then. My mom was the person who gave it to me. She began by asking me was I active; after discovering that I was not, she went on to explain to me that this is not something that you do to make a boy like you or for attention. She also told me the consequences I could face if I chose to do it like pregnancy, disease and even ridicule from others but most of all she told me, more like demanded, that I not do it until I was ready and after I have first told her. After "the talk" we never discussed this issue again beside her constantly checking to see if I had became active. Since we didn't talk about much on the issue I never felt the need to ask any questions because of the fear of her thinking that I was active or considering it. However the following year I had my first experience because I thought I was ready and I knew enough not to get pregnant or contract a disease but what i didn't know is that the person you chose to give this to will forever be "that significant person" therefore he should be very special. After realizing that I made a mistake that I could not change I decided to go back and have a more in dept talk with my mom. This time she let me ask the question and she answered as a friend instead of a parent. I think that by her doing it this way she enlighten me and also helped me to realized that this is something that I should not be ashamed to talk about with her. It also helped me make the decision to not do it again until I felt that the person was worthy. 

       Now that I am approaching the age of 24 I think that "the in dept talk" had a great affect on how I look at sex today, as something special and not easily shared, it also helped me to enjoy my teen and college years by not have any unplanned pregnancies or diseases.Now that I am able to have "the talk" regularly with my mom without feeling awkward it encourages me to be more open when I have my own children, to not create the fear that I once had.